I was Executrix of the estate and had to handle all legal and financial matters including cleaning, prepping and selling the house and division of all assets. Not much, but an emotional and physical roller coaster. My [four] sisters were right there with me the entire way, but I was the leader. We rented a dumpster, went through and threw out decades of memories, divided up what we wanted to keep, and dealt with all financial obligations. About 15 months later when we were closing out everything, the lawyer remarked how well we all handled the situation. He also said that many families don’t rally together as well as we did and in fact it can drive families further apart. I look back on that time with a great deal of pride for how all of my sisters and all of their families handled a very difficult time.
The aha moment comes in looking at the photos from that time and immediately afterward... and seeing the obvious weight gain. I actually was thinking that it was a slow and steady progression over about 20 years... but now I don’t think so --- gotta go find more photos to investigate. I actually think now that it was only afterwards - after the estate was settled - when we went back to our normal lives, which for me meant no more executrix duties; so just trying to get back to some sense of normalcy after the loss. The loss was profound and although it gets muted / diluted by time, it never goes away. There is an awful hole.
Remembering back, I had huge issues with sleeping right after my Mom passed and probably for 6 years afterwards. I’d purposely stay up til 1AM in the morning so that I’d be exhausted enough to hopefully be able to fall asleep. Otherwise, I’d just lie in bed thinking.. and thinking ... and not be able to fall asleep.
You hear it time and time again (if you listen) that at all fitness levels, sleep is imperative for normal cognitive, physical and metabolic functioning. Starving my body of much needed sleep, likely squelched my metabolism helping along the weight gain. Had I known then that physical exercise would exhaust me in a good way facilitating the sleep, I could have been much better off back then.
I have not looked into the psychology of loss (other than my own personal experience with a Psych 101 spin) --- but absolutely can see how this can happen. Looking back, with my new-found knowledge it seems so simple. I should have just started some kind... any kind of exercise plan. I’m sure I was stressed to the max, with kids, responsibilities, etc. etc. but so, so, wish I had discovered what I know now back then. Is it just too easy to ignore? Is the knowledge just not out there in an obvious way? I firmly believe that each gym-rat has their own personal story, but most keep it to themselves.
The local high school just made physical fitness a 4 year requirement... although the kids are not happy, I think it’s fantastic. They Boy Scouts have a personal fitness merit badge. I really want to understand what that is. If people are brought up to understand the benefits of physical fitness, maybe they won’t let life get in the way.